v. belated friday catblogging

In an unassuming suburban veterinary surgery, a pair of women in young mid-life greet each other over cat-boxes.

'This is Lulu, she's my latest,' says one, a tall, seemingly intelligent woman in casual office clothing.

'How many does that make?' says the other, a younger woman with a short, sharp, tri-coloured hairstyle that would do any tortoiseshell proud.

'Four.'

'Only another two and you'll have caught up with me.'

Both these women are smart, educated, financially secure and lead successful working lives.  Yet their easy candour masks a deep-seated obsessive pathology.  Compulsive Cat-Collecting Disorder (CCCD) was recently recognised on the DSM-V as a subset of classic obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). It tends to afflict middle-class women in their mid-to-late twenties onwards, being masked in younger age groups by solo cat acquisition.  Sufferers of OCCD generally fail to stop at one cat or to practice serial felinogamy, with double figures being recorded in some extreme cases.

Research undertaken by the Office of Feline Acquisition and Dereliction Abuse (OFADA) has identified a steady increase in OCCD over the past decade. A close correlation between OCCD, blogging, chocolate consumption and other obsessive activities was also found in the research cohort. Generally, it is thought that OCCD sufferers have misinterpreted warnings from the federal government and the RACFGSGP to get up the duff as soon as possible with the nearest unavailable or nonexistent bloke.

'You'll find they have a very different understanding of "one for the father, one for the mother, and one for the country",' said an OFADA spokesman with a rueful laugh.

 

Last week, we took the liberty of visiting the home of a cat-collector after her most recent acquisition.  Janine,*  of East Cricklewood,** was summoned out of a lengthy cat-collecting remission period by the machinations of Lulu, a long-legged tortoiseshell in her late teens.

She welcomed us into her home, explaining we would find the cats 'in their own rooms'.  We donned surgical masks, following her upstairs through the haze of cat fur.

Jessie, a demure silver tabby in her mid-eighties and the longest-serving resident of the cat-collective, was sitting on her owner's bed.  She seemed the least affected by the latest addition, indeed resigned to her fate.  She yawned languidly, crossing her paws neatly to avoid a drying furball on the bedcover.

'I've seen it all before,' she said.  'You don't get to my age without getting cynical about humans.'

Jessie has been a past office bearer of 'Pets who love too much', 'Cats who run with the cougars' and 'Cats who run with the poodles'.  She's also networked widely with victims of intergenerational cat collecting trauma (ICCT) around the world.

'I've found a lot of correlations with the experiences of cats living in Utah and Saudi in particular,' she said.  'When you identify the cycle, it's easy enough to recognise...Once a cat collector, always a cat collector.'

Otty, 77 cyo, declined to be interviewed, preferring to glower underneath the banana lounge instead.

It was Leonard, 91 cyo, who seemed the most seriously upset, casting dark looks in the direction of the cat-mat on the table opposite.  He even turned his back on the room several times during the interview.

'You see it happen to other cats,' he said.  'But you never think it's going to happen to you.  You think things will be different, that you're The One.'

Until the arrival of Lulu, Leonard was the most recent feline acquisition in the house.

'My coat's not what it used to be and I've lost muscle tone over the years,' he admitted.  'I've had gingivitis and several teeth removed.'

He tossed a backleg over his shoulder and licked his scrotum thoughtfully.  'But it's the beauty of the inner cat that counts.'

* not her real name

** not her real address

Comments

[slithy toad]

Heh, that was absolutely brilliant El!

FOUR? You really are becoming a cliche single woman with cats. Lucky I know it makes you happy as a Leonard on the water heater.

[Pavlov's Cat]

Top post, Janine.

Nice kitty, too.

[ThirdCat]

Good one, cat lady.

Poor Leonard. Give him an extra fish treat, won't you?

[elsewhere]

I think there should be a best Catblogging Posts of 2006 Carnival, especially for those who like to write in the essay form.

Perhaps I should volunteer to host it...

[sandy webster]

If there is a best catblogging post comp, this would have to win hands down. Admit I did recognise myself in there, though after treating for CCCD am holding stable at one mangy old tortoiseshell

[Laura]

You're never cured of CCCD Sandy. Only ever in remission, no matter what the docs tell you.

[Slithy Toad]

The cure for CCCD is to acquire a cat that is so magisterial, nay powerful, that no other cat dare come into one's abode and the owners are too scared to in case said powerful cat takes owners' legs off. My Lord Robbie is such a cat.

Well, he was. He's off his game a bit now.

[elsewhere]

Leonard was once such a cat. He was Very Scary Indeed in his youth. But I'm afraid he's just getting too long in his remaining tooth these days.

[Jude]

Stopped by to check out your blog again after a long absence. Picked a bad day. Going to burn some incense now to get the smell of cat pee out of my head.

[elsewhere]

Yeah, things have gone from bad to worse ere, really.

[craftydabbler]

You will have to update your About page to say you have four cats now. I only have two.

[elsewhere]

Thanks for the tip!