Wee wee girls A-list

I've been meditating on why it should have seemed such an outrage that Gwynneth should have pipped Cate at the post for an Oscar (apart from the fact that the latter is a better actress)?  Or that Nic should have won an Oscar for putting on a false nose and staring a lot in The Hours? 

Acting ability aside, what I've come up with is that they're both wee-wee girls. The most immediate definition of this term that springs to mind is: seemingly insipid and lacking in personality; sometimes overly girly and gushing.  Also accompanied by a sense that they've let the side down.  I'm not alone in this.   As a former colleague of mine (a Blacktown girl) said of Our Nic: 'Can't stand the woman, or her other little pal from Mosman!'

Anyway, I've set about compiling an A-list of wee wee girls and one of non-wee wee girls:

Wee wee girl A-list

Gwynneth

Our Nic

NSD

Nikki Gemmell

Doris Day

Bettina Arndt

Anne (Famous Five)

Sarah Jane (Dr Who assistant)

Non-wee wee A list

Toni Colette

Cate Blanchett

Hilary Swank

Kate Winslett

Kate Hepburn

Julia Gillard

Rachel Griffiths

George (Famous Five)

Romana (Dr Who assistant)

It's actually quite tricky (and I'm not sure I'm being totally fair on DD) as some potential wee wee girls prove to have some mettle (e.g. Charlotte on S&tC), nuttiness (e.g. Renee Zellweger) or rock-the-boat-ness (e.g. Lady Di) which makes them hard to place.  And Naomi Watts has put in some good performances recently.

I would probably put ‘Buffy’ on the non-wee wee list, but don’t think I’ve watched enough episodes to make a fair assessment.  I considered SJP for the non-wee wee girls, but she does all that fawning and simpering stuff (and why she doesn’t just go: ‘hell, I’m throwing it all in and starting up a shoe factory.’)  Also know that some people wouldn't consider Cate Blanchett a non-wee wee-er (too 'composed').

There seem to be a high prevalence of ‘Nic’s and ‘N’ names there, and ‘Kate’s in the second list, tho perhaps that’s just mental association on my part.  Lots of 'stars' there -- because they're more public image setters than other women?  Or is it just that I watch too many films?

Thought that ‘Leela’ (Dr Who assistant) was maybe just too ‘animal’ to be considered for either list. 

Ok, I don't want to get too much into the tub-thumping feminist thing (remember the ‘strong women’ thing from the 80s/early 90s, which got a bit boring after a while -- like how Meryl Streep and Jessica Lange were always being praised for their ‘strong but sensitive’ portrayals?)  But a few more definitional suggestions:

The wee wee girl anticipates the frame of social approval and sticks herself in it.

The wee wee girl wont risk the loss of male approval/attention.

The non-wee wee girl seems to be outside the frame; self-directing, even a little eccentric.

Non-wee wee girl is not afraid to be ‘fat’ at times (n.b. Gwynneth had to wear a ‘fat suit’).

Actually, it was a lot easier for me to come up with examples of non-wee wee girls.  Which raised the important question of: Are wee wee girls in decline?  Or is it just that since I don’t normally fill my life with wee wee girls, it’s difficult for me to uncover them?

ADDENDUM: Coy female lurker has mailed me with further suggestions:

More qualifications for la jeune fille wee wee:

Exhibitionism combined with desperate, teary fear of being judged.

Suspicious desperately willed transformation - this would easily encompass Nicole's loss of freckles, and Mary's freshly minted Danish-accented English (have been taking savage
pleasure in the "outing" of Mary's deportment classes, and the pic the Sun-Herald ran of her, fat-faced, Sally-Boyden/Naomi-Wolfesque "do" next to ... shit! who was it? - ah yes, Sarah O'Hare in her modelling days.)

I did give Mary some thought, actually, but decided she should be allowed a bit more of a run before I cast final judgement, in case of revealing Zellweger-esque zany-ness or Lady-Di-style lunacy.

I've always thought that she & Prince Frederick looked like the couple from Toytown, and that she looked like a startled china mouse in some of the early photos.  (And does anyone else think that Prince Fred seems like a bit of a dud -- i.e. an NVB?)

Watched Andrew Denton i/v with some fascination (but only the once; couldn't face it a second time).  Half like AD for trying to pry out the info that no one else would have audacity to pry out, half dislike him for strange obsequiousness -- e.g. just how many times did he have to say 'Your Highness' in that interview.  Also, AD is strange misty-eyed romantic intent on drawing out everyone's soppy love story (suspect this is because he is a former nerd).

Intrigued by fact that during the entire interview Princess Mary managed to keep her shoulders in back and down position that physio & sports dr would like me to emulate -- perhaps I should go to June Dally Watkins Deportment lessons myself!

And what is all this supposed royalty about  -- she's not really our royalty, is she?  Chazzer is, and god bless him, no one took that much notice of him when he touched down today in Alice wearing a serious suit in 40 C heat on the tarmac -- would have thought it was a day for socks and sandals, myself, or perhaps the old safari suit! ( N.B. erroneous announcement by ABC that he opened his tour in a 'town like Alice' -- twas in fact Alice herself!)

Comments

[Bathsheba]

Mary is definitely a wee wee girl! She's so composed and uptight. As a Tasmanian I despaired watching her stiff and proper performance on Denton. She's expunged any hint of strine, and Tassie girls just don't behave that way. Her father's a Scotsman to boot, I'm sure he doesn't approve of the stick she's inserted up her arse! And Frederik is at least a human, not an android like his spouse. I wonder if she continues to talk like that when she gets home with her sisters?

Can I point out that not all girls who have 'N' names are wee wee girls. Especially not Naomis - think Campbell to vanquish the unpleasant associations invoked by Watts. Or just think of moi. (I was actually born in Mosman, but I escaped, and I've recovered now).

Celebs I would add to the wee wee list include Catherine Zeta Jones, Halle Berry (the whitest African American woman in history), Michelle Pfeiffer, Meg Ryan, anyone who married a Packer or Murdoch, and Paris Hilton (too devoid of morals to be really wee wee?). Plus Princess Diana, who cannot be saved from wee weedom even by death. Needless to say, Camilla Parker Bowles joins the non-wee wee A-list and Charles has gone up mightily in my estimation by finally having the bottle to marry her. And Julia Roberts is non-wee for a) bearing twins and b) daring to turn up at the Oscars gig four months post-natal carrying real weight and with real breasts.

[elsewhere]

P'raps I've been too soft here...the problem is I feel there should be masses of wee wee girls out there for the list, they just keep on slipping out of my mind. What was the name of that annoying lamb-like actress on Melrose Place, for example?

Yes, really did wonder when Mary said she was 'going to catch up with friends' and it 'would all be normal' just how normal it would be!

Definitely agree about Catherine Zeta and Halle Berry. Have always been rather uncomfortable about Julia Roberts, but she's slowly grown in my estimation over time. Not sure about Paris Hilton, think she's a bit of a wild card in some ways. Meg Ryan -- I would say yes, but like the way that she has permanently gotten up Parky's nose after refusing to play ball with him.

Think p'raps you have vested interest in saving 'N' names!

P.S. Linsday Lohan is another possible addition to the non-Wee Wee girls list. She's unconventionally attractive, she's picked some good roles, and she's avoided that 'I-am-a-former-child-now-a-serious-actor-and-possibly-a-lesbian' holier than thou mystique of Jodie Foster and is indeed out there -- and all over the place (incl on the net) it seems in compromising positions.

[Bathsheba]

You are right about the vested interest in N names, but I know you know who I really am (from someone with a D name). I think the Melrose irritator is the one that used to be called 'Alison', or 'aw gee Alison' as Billy used to say (a wee wee boy if there ever was one). But Heather and the one who played Kimberley who is now Bree in Desperate Housewives were A-list!

It is difficult to think about the truly wee wee, because by definition they slip your mind the minute you are no longer looking at them. But I'd like to add Bec Cartwright, Teri Hatcher, all the girls in McLeod's daughters, Georgie Parker, Lisa McCune, Dannii Minogue. Deborah Mailman (you see I am not being p-c here) goes in for being simpering, as do all the girls from Secret Life of Us, including Claudia Karvan (though that's a tight call). Honey and Kerry from The Bill also need to be included.

You've got me going now, but to compensate the women who play Eva Sharpe, Debbie McAllister (Natalie someone), DI Nixon, Gina Gold and June Ackland are all A-list. Mariska Hargitay (a daughter of Jane Russell), and the blondey in the original CSI are my kind of women! And a special mention for Belinda Emmett, though she loses points for marrying a wee wee boy.

[elsewhere]

God, you're good on this! I think you're right, it was Alison on Melrose Place. Yes, Mcleod's Daughters, Georgie Parker, Kelly & Miranda on SOLUS are particularly insufferable...not totally sure about Belinda Emmett, tho, despite terrible disease. Would probably add Delta Goodrem in diseased wee wee category too...

[Bathsheba]

ooh yes! Delta is wee wee!

[elsewhere]

Also, Kasey Chambers for 'i'm not pretty enough' (now RSPCA theme song on ads, I'm told)

[Bathsheba]

No, not Kasey! her tongue was firmly in her cheek when she sang that, it's not her fault the soppy dog lovers' brigade have co-opted it!

(that one was for you Coy Lurker?)

[Jane]

Princess Mary is a con. A classic, self-centred PR chick from the eastern suburbs - and very good at hiding her true nature (so far). Did anyone else see her snapping at her bridesmaids during the wedding when they didn't get her taffeta train right fast enough? Has anyone else noticed her cutting Frederick off in conversation?

I laughed SO HARD when a Danish commentator said Mary was marrying Frederick 'in spite of' not 'because of' the crown. The poor Danish royals - they're such nice people, they would never have struck a tough nut like Mary slathering on the PR. And how long has she been an associate of Max Markson? Did he arrange the Vogue photoshoots? Is he responsible for her yuppie consumerist image, or is that really her? I can't stand her - and I predict she'll be outed as a gold-digger and nasty piece of work in due course.

Jane

[elsewhere]

Look forward to the Becky Sharp outing moment in Danish history (tho not sure I trust any royals to be just nice simple folk). Didn't watch the 'royal wedding' I'm afraid. Agree, all this fuss over an ex-real estate agent is bizarre. (Not to mention the Slip Inn -- what a pretentious watering hole that is!)

Kasey Chambers -- yes, we like the image & some of the repertoire and identify with sentiment behind RSPCA song but it does have a rather whiny quality to it, second time round and is easily open to comic perversion in the workplace and elsewhere.

Further suggestions -- happy to run a Mary Donaldson outing sub-blog if anyone's interested, has stuff to send, etc.

Also -- male wee wee list -- suggestion from Coy Lurker, starting with Thorpie and his new hairdo, etc, etc -- any takers?

[Angus]

Fascinating taxonomy but you are of course totally off the mark about Doris Day...have you even *seen* Calamity Jane? Hmph!

Male wee wee list is absolutely crucial. Apart from the existing nominees you must have Jude Law, Geoffrey Rush (there I've said it), Russell Crowe, Richard Gere, Anthony Mundine, Peter Phelps (pretty much the archetype I'd say), Prince William, Alan Jones, Richard Butler, Peter Hollingworth, Daniel McPherson, Tony Blair, Alain de Botton...

[elsewhere]

Oh, yes Alain de Botton! And future King wee Wee! (Kinda like Harry, tho.)

I'd be adding Brad Pitt. What about Steve Bracks? Mark-Holden-when-he-was-young?

(No, haven't seem Calamity Jane -- a reason why I equivocated. But Pillow Talk -- blaargh!)

[Bathsheba]

I was not listening and did not post on right page (drat)

def Daniel Macpherson, and Alain de Botton goes without saying!

all men from Australian Idol (bar Noll because he's plainly a rough nut)
all TV hosts bar Bert Newton
agree with Jude Law, but definitely put Johnny Depp on the A-List.
Bracks, Blair and Gallop, but not Beattie.

disagree 'bout Geoffrey, he's his own man.

Anthony Mundine is so NOT wee wee! he's an animal yes, but not a wee wee! Likewise Phelps, a total yob, though anyone prepared to undergo celebrity makeover is obviously flakey.

Shane Crawford (Hawthorn captain).